Gosh

Heck, after laughing at my cousins, siblings, friends, i'm going to be 20 this year.

Last night i couldnt go to sleep, so i began looking back at what sort of nonsense i did last time, and i found, nothing. seriously, it seems like i've wasted my entire life. i have not been someone, never been. spent high school being a nobody, college was pretty much the same.

and truth is, i was scared, and of course, i was lazy. whenever an opportunity comes by for me to be somebody, i chicken out, starting with being scared, then being lazy to re-grab the opportunity.

to heck with this.

white teenagers are often looked upon by us malaysians as being really 'grown up' and all, but it's not true. in fact, they're even more childish than us, but we view them as mature adults for 1 sole reason, they make their own decisions. seriously. look back in ur life. whenever some shit happens to you, tell me the 1st thing that comes to your mind is not ur parents. when u have a car accident, lost a book, this and that. i'll be honest with myself, i couldnt have decided most of the decisions if not for my parents. british people however, decide on their own, work for it, and if it's a mistake, they own up.

grow up.

my dad previously sent me a video, from a famous lecturer who is dying, giving his last lecture. that dude said :

"an apology has three parts.

1. i'm sorry

2. it's my fault.

3. what can i do to make it right?

most people forget the third part, or they just dont care"

how true is this? i admit, it's so freaking difficult to even say i'm sorry when i really do make a mistake, and it's mostly due to my ego.

i suppose being laid back and not grabbing opportunities is what made me not being able to get what i want as well, from a simple candy to studies to girls.

to hell with that.

change is coming