RE-focusing

i've lost my focus since last december. and i think, and feel, that i'm finally refocusing. it's been a long while since i last concentrated on something. yeah. at least, now the songs i play sound alot better than the previous months.. which always had a bitter tone in it. finally.
i started this year totally out of focus, and totally lost it around april/may. now, in september, the 1st month of the countdown of my time in malaysia, i am proud to say, i'm back. well, i hope this concentration will at help me through my exams in january next year, at the very least.
now, only one person matters to me. well, of course family and friends still matter, but only this ONE person will decide my 'mood of the day'. i dont think she'd gotten over the person she loves, nor will she get over him soon. but i dont care. i've done this before, why not again? although we might not end up couple, but i hope at least i can get a new 'trusted one', a new kaiwei =). the chance of it happening is less than 1 percent at the moment, but i will work on it. i noticed that i've gone on 4 days without the slightest sign of losing focus on target, a good sign. and i hope i can keep this up.
i have been thinking, what have i done? recalling... nothing. i see lots of guys being really romantic, but i can hardly do so. i.e. am i really that good a guy? lets see an example. a guy in love would probably go all the way from pj to cheras just to meet his loved girl for mayb.. an hour? 2 hours? well, mayb i might. mayb i might not. but just now she asked me to get something from her, and to get that, i'm supposed to go to TS for like 5 minutes? nah. i dont see the point. oh yeah, thats exactly it. when i dont see the point in doing something, i can be really reluctant to do it. like all ENPF's i stand really strong on my ground when i decide upon something. yesterday it appeared to me that i'll never give up my loved ones for something i decide on, although ENPF writes otherwise. today i see the point. i HAVE decided to give up my loved one upon something i decided against it ON INSTINCT, not UPON THIKING HOW I MIGHT REACT. ouch. that touched a raw nerve =( i hardly spend money on gifts to make a girl happy, because in my opinion, i can make things interesting through words. altuhogh i dont mind a gift once in a while, but definately not to the extent of 'a gift everytime we meet'. call me kiamsiap. Besides, I think that a girl should not let the guy pay for all her expenses. Although i REALLY HATE asking a girl to pay. I think that the best solution when it comes to money is that one offers it him/herself. For example, when a couple i getting food, both get their wallets ready to at least pay for themselves, and to actually get the cash out. not just to hold the wallet for 'show off' purposes xD. i dislike it when i have to ask my partner to pay for me, or whether i have to pay for her. these things should be voluntary isnt it? argh. call me kiamsiap again.
thinking back on the points above, i'd say i am really an ENPF. argh. and u know what? that measn, when i love someone, i might neglect all my other loved ones for my loved one. so yeah, i'll conclude that yes, i definately love you.

ENFP
General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.
Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.
ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.
ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.

Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
by Joe Butt
ENFPs are friendly folks. Most are really enjoyable people. Some of the most soft-hearted people are ENFPs.

ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.

One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting.

ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends. This penchant may be why many are attracted to journalism. I kid one of my ENFP friends that if I want the sixth fleet to know something, I'll just tell him.

ENFPs are global learners. Close enough is satisfactory to the ENFP, which may unnerve more precise thinking types, especially with such things as piano practice ("three quarter notes or four ... what's the difference?") Amazingly, some ENFPs are adept at exacting disciplines such as mathematics.

Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone , especially on a regular basis.

One ENFP colleague, a social worker, had such tremendous interpersonal skills that she put her interviewers at ease during her own job interview. She had the ability to make strangers feel like old friends.

ENFPs sometimes can be blindsided by their secondary Feeling function. Hasty decisions based on deeply felt values may boil over with unpredictable results. More than one ENFP has abruptly quit a job in such a moment.