The first four days of chinese new year flew past.
I realised that i no longer have this craving for angpaus. Some people might say, 'THATS BECOZ U HAVE THE MONEY' admit it, some of u do that all the time and i freaking hate it. and i dont care. but thats NOT THE CASE. i just lost the craving.
I got mad at some of my cousins omg.
I dont remember myself playing with explosives as dangerously as them. Heck. I doubt we even play dangerous. A kid, age 13, in my opiinon, SHOULD know that EXPLOSIVES CAUSES EXPLOSION. that S.O.A.B. threw one under a car. Smart. Thank got the car didn explode. I scolded him. I asked him WHY U THROW UNDER THE CAR? guess what he reply? he said, THen dun throw lo. I was so tempted to whack him up good and proper for being such a smartass.
Next, gosh i got so irritated with some of my other cousins at times. Aged 14,16,17,and 18. I was HOPING that they should be sensitive to their surroundings. Mothers from age 60 and above have been cooking and washing ever since 2 pm till 7 pm NON STOP. these people just finish their food, and leave their plates behind and expect the cooking people to wash up for them. and what have been doing the whole day? Sitting on the sofa, bullshitting. This situation would have happened if i didn got around, practically ORDERING everyone to help cleanup. Blargh. I guess i'm following my mum's footsteps to be 'The Bad Guy'.


I guess i'm very emotionless because i'm too occupied. I've no time for myself, for you. I had exams, and straight after that my cousins came, and going back hometown. I wish this will end once everything is settled.

A Post Without a titile

I'm screwing things up.
I still cant believe that i screwed my stats exam that badly.
I cant believe i cant even organise a simple gathering for my ex classmates properly. Not just that, to create problems for everyone, and not even informing anyone about the cancellation. It's my fault i know, and i cant do anything to help it now.
Heck?

losing a grip of myself..
have been so bloody busy lately, exams, entertaining cousins,
and i know u wont believe, but i didn dota for like 1 whole week already =.= until today, i finally had a break. blargh.
i realise i'm getting more and more emotionless, i dont feel anything anymore.
things that made me realise so,
1st, i forgot to bring my exam docket that day, i have to run from wisma all the way to KPD E to print it, i feel tense, but my heart didn even thump any harder or filled me with emotions or whatsoever.
2nd. i screwed statistics. My brain tells me 'OMG OMG OMG HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE SCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED' but honestly, i didn actually 'feel' anything.
any there's more to that but screw it.



heck, can you accept me for who i am now?
i miss you, but thats my brain telling me, not my heart,
or has it become a responsiblity?
I want to get my emotions back..
others, get lost!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4esxjV-O3A&feature=related

i need you to help me find myself once again..
will you be there for me?

Random

1st things first, this is just a random thought. It's not my opinion. NO OFFENSE.

I was driving the other day, coming back from a busy day of college. Then it occured to me, that Robert Pattinson ( is that how you spell his name? didn bother to check up ) who starred as EDWARD CULLEN also played the role of Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter. Girls has been going cukoo over him throughout the past months, ahh girls. Dont deny it =). However, i remember that as he starred as Cedric Diggory, people made this comment.

'He's not that good looking. Cedric Diggory should look better'

And truth to be told, you dont get girls vibrating in their seats and screaming 'OMG HE'S SO HOT' ever single time he comes on screen when he starred as cedric. ( Yes people, some girl did that. )

This makes me wonder. Whats the difference between Cedric Diggory and Edward Cullen? Probably some would argue, saying that one's a vampire and one's a wizard. But honestly, i dont see any difference except for him being older.

Which leads me to ponder upon this question.

Do girls like old guys, or, they are just falling for his red contact lenses?

感想

人生百年，
电光火石，
本无一物。
何染尘埃，
随心到处，
便是楼台，
不必远上天山。


人生魔障未处，何忍自寻极乐？

Wondering..

Sometimes i really do wonder, what is life? I mean, not what life is, but why bother to live at all? So that we can suffer later? Comn, dont cheat yourselves by saying 'we dont know whats going to happen tomorrow you know' Yes, we might be happy, but yet again, 'greed' will make us unhappy. I WANT MORE. thats what going to make us unhappy. Bloody hell.
I really dont know whats got to me lately. I'm losing a grip of myself.

1st. I hardly get the 'emo' mood to blog anymore. Seriously. If you notice, lately my posts has just been posts, not exactly those that are written in 'better' form, which contains more point. Lol. Seriously, i really dont know what am i even blogging about at the moment. I really hope this is just because of exams, and it will wear off soon.

2nd. I'm not treating people closer to me the way i used to treat people close to me. In fact, i seem to be pushing them away more than i'm pulling them closer. What the heck is wrong? It's like everytime i say something, 2-3 seconds later i'll think about it and OMG why did i even say that. Heck.

3rd. I dont emo, but i cant get excited over stuffs either. Eg, during New year Countdown, i was more or less like a stone standing there, feeling absolutely nothing. Why? I cant even get into Countdown Mood. Gosh

4th. And Since i dont feel anything, i hardly get angry anymore too. I'm just EMOTIONLESS.

I hope i'll change back to myself when my cousins come back. Jeremy, Kenneth, Lucas, Hefeng HoeLeong, and Jeeyi. Help me out guys.

Miss you Sis. Distance proved to be pushing us apart. Should i go warwick so that we can regenerate our relationship? Haha. Just an idea =)

A Theory

I have a theory.
People who have reached the ultimate in a certain area, will always be more humble than people who are reaching the ultimate/ on the way reaching it / trying to reach it, and people who are very far away from the ultimate, will look up to these people who make so much noise/ showy than the people who are there already.
Sounds confusing eh?
Let me give you an example.
In middle class society, people who are Rich, will tend to dress more humbly compared to people who are less rich. But once these people go up to a higher status, mixing around with higher class people, they tend to get greedy all over again, wanting fancy clothes with expensive taste, eating at higher class restaurants, so on and so forth. But if these people stayed where they are, the possibility of them being so is much less.
Clearer?
Another example.
Lets say there's an issue going on, hmm, assuming Boy A and Girl B secretly loves each other. They both know, and both of them have each a good friend, C and D, who knows everything about them. C and D are usually the ones who will keep your secret, making no sound of it unless necessary to anyone else. It'll always be E,F,G,H,I,J,K,... that finds out Part of it, and be a bigmouth, making false conclusions, ( or mayb correct ), and be a super kepo, telling everyone else. They are the ones which will cause Havoc, causing a great nuisance to annoy A and B. Why so? It's because they know part of a certain issue, wanting to know more about it, then they'll ask other people hoping that they might knowand tell them more about it.
Exactly my point. It's always those who know slightly, or being slightly richer than others, be it information, knowledge, money, or whatsoever, are the ones blowing water, ( cui sui ) being showy, and thus.
These people are IRRITATING. And they are the bloody backstabbers as they gossip amongst themselves, causing pain and suffering to others, while they live happily in the sea of sorrow caused.

I DESPISE these people.
They do not deserve luxury.
Eventually, they will get back what they did.
Karma - Buddhist , Hindu
Judgement Day - Christian
Islam - ( dont seem to have anything.. at least not that i know of )
Sikh - Karma ( I think ? )
Wiccan - Threefold Law
Me - I'll f*** u personally.

Get lost.