Tribute to Phua

I know its weird to post up something like this, but this is something i think i would like to share with you people.I recieved the news of phua's father death last two days ago, from phua's message himself. I called him up immediately, tried to console him but, helpless of course. Its the last thing on earth that we will wish for such incident to ever happen, not only to us, but also to the people whom we know.
Well, i guess life just play its role well, the circle of life will never stops turning.Phua was a great guy in fact, he has great leadership ability (being a monitor for the past 5 years, getting tortured by all the barbaric monkeys), overwhelmed by stupendous responsibility, and i really owe my respect for such a person like him. Not to boast about him or what, its the truth that he's such a great person.Some of the clancies attended the funeral (including me) just to pay our last tribute for his late father, and to shed our deepest condelences. He has been brave through out the night, from what i can see, holding back his tears so hard despite such calamity took place in his life. I salute his bravery, his courage and boldness. Don't worry phua, your dad will be returned to his Creator, he will be leaving a life-long legacy, and we shall all pray and hope for the best, when it is our turn, we shall all unite there.

Copyrighted to CcM

i shall want to add that when i saw wei keat that night, the first thing he did was to come and try make us comfy, not giving us any feeling of being at a 'funeral'. I wanted to show him sympathy, but it is just so weird. I mean, phua is a guy who is quite strong in mind, (thought he has mood tantrums from time to time) i'll really feel as if i insulted him is i really started to pity him, and saying stuff like 'come on, just cry it out' i just feels weird somehow. however, i might not be able to say what i want to say to u face to face, but what i'd like to tell u is, no matter whats happens, 5 Clancy is always within ur call, phua. we will always be somewhere near u, helping you when you are off course. Phua's mum and repeatedly told me that she feels that phua is gradually sliding off the main track. she hopes that we, as his friends, will always be there for him, help him when the time is right so that he, will not change into someone we dont know, but rather a person who will be successful in his life. Before phua's father passed away, he too told phua that he needs to be strong to face his mistakes, but be wise to not repeat them again. Phua, your mum and dad will always be there for you. bear that in mind. even at his deathbed, i daresay that your father still cares very much for you, and that he has confidence that you will one day be an individual that will make him proud.
i had been with friends with phua since standard 2-3, and our friendship was tightening when we joined tae-kwon-do together. i used to bully him all the time, and even back then, phua never fight back but to play along with me. he's one who really cares for his friends. back then, late Mr Phua does come and overlook our competitions. i still remember the day when phua won the overall champion for the under fifteens, and the glory that he and his dad shared. Time flew past and both of us stopped tae-kown-do. Yet, fate drew us back and we went to the same secondary school. However, we were not very close in either form 1, 2, or 3.Form four came and we managed to build back some of our friendship, but deep down, i know it's quite impossible to regain the friendship we used to have back then. Still, i tried. Whether u realise it or not, i can see when you are happy and when you are not. HOwever, i never went forward to try and talk you out of it. But i sent janz to talk to you, since u are better friends with him than me. What i want to tell u now is that i'll still be here for you when you need me.

*p.s. congrats to phua as his hair is finally long and SOON, he can style his hair like paul.

Quotes of the night
Quote Weiguang : Cockeral hairstyle
Quote Weikeat : Dun so chuin! i'll catch up one day!! ( hair and height )
Quote CcM : this is not insurance.. this is a health program. however, if u must, yes, it is sort of an insurance *slam*
Quote Paul : Dun make me laugh la wei. We attending funeral. ( he laughed more than 10 times in the following 2 hours )

Happenings

Yesterday i went to this wedding dinner of a faraway aunt of mine..
my connection to her. me --> mum --> mum brother ---> wife of mum bro --> sister of wife of mum bro
but at least i know her xD
i was supposed to be a guest, but my uncle has something to do and he passed me the job as a usher.. darn!! why did i accept! but i did in the end.. pushed all the work to my counsins =)
during dinner, there was this super cute girl!! tried to get her number but i chickened out.. and there isnt any chance to take a photo of her.. haiz.. hope to meet u somewhere whoever u are! xD

Darn

for the first time in my life, i'm actually having stupid dry scalp and it looks as if i am having dandruff. DARN!! mummy gave me some weird new tech shampoo that says it can anti dandruff. fine, worth a try. ornot i'm going to cut botak.
next, i'm going to a x-ray scan soon, for my head. it aches below the skull for quite some time already, and besides, i'm having frequent dizziness due to it.
hui yee describes them as health problems, which = old age.. sweats..
argh.. hopefully nothing chronic will happen.. pray to god.. + touching wood all the time now..

Love

You say u like me. I like u too. BUt yet u say u are not ready. WHat does this mean? but anyhow, i'll be waiting. i'll wait for u to be ready, to be a person u MIGHT want to be. i'll try my best to make it a happy ending, since i know when it have to end. ok?

Just something to write about

i prefer to be truthful. though i always lie, depending on situations. but i never lie when it comes to feelings. but, feelings is so random that it pops in and out all the time. so, i'm not lying. i'm being sincere. guys who say i'll love u till death are the liars. right. am i not? unless i'm already with someone, feelings always are random. but lately, i'm focusing down on one, blocking out others. yes, u, u know i'm talking about u. haha. darn.. but why wont u just admit to me that u do like me? aiks.. yan.. i'm sorry about this. but past is past. we both chose it that way. but, sincerely, i how that we can have a friendship. i'm ready to take the chance to be freidns with u once again. are u?

good or bad?

well, i think i liked another girl for now, though i am very unsure whether she has any feelings for me.. i'm happy to annouce that i am over the past girls, either they have or dont have boyfriends.. those who know will know what i mean. i cannot say that i would not tremble if they stand right in front of me and talked with me, for still, we aint gotten back to the point like me and kai wei xD. kw.. thx for ur help all these years.. vice versa hahaz. this girl i THINK i am currently liking, is a tough one. it's not one that is easily approachable.. which took me like a few days to at least gain abit of her trust.. seriously.. even until now, i think, on a scale of one to ten, she trusts me only like 3 or maximum of 4. she's really different from other people.. argh. kinda thrown off since the girls i knew b4 this were basically like more than friendly.. however, it's really intersting. i might not end up with her, but at least it will widen my scope of life. thx to you, girl. although u dont remember the past when i once WAS a sorta good friend of yours, nvm. things can always start all over again, and i think i CAN wait. well, hopefully. it's kinda fun to start settling down again, and not to like anyone passes me. that feeling was seriously WEIRD. anyway, i'll try my best to be friends with her,and see whats going to happen next. i'm not and cant hope for a real relationship, but haha.. who knows?

Accident once again

It was just a bloody small dent, and he made such a big fuss over it.

today i had class from 10a.m. till 7p.m. withuot a bloody break of even like 5 minutes. tired like hell. bloody moral studies.. study for mat 7? i was sms'ing with hui yee and talking with angeline and jie lee throughout the three hours. and the teacher was like teaching definitions of moral, values, and other sohai stuff.
finally 7p.m. drove home. the carpark was practically empty when i reach it. everybody gone back. reached loke yew. was lost in thought. cb, didn control my brake well and knocked the front car. LITERALLY, i knocked it only. not crash. the dent as a maximum of 2 cm deep, a dent so small that unless u have light shining and showing the shadows, u would'nt notice it. NOT. EVEN. A SINGLE BLOODY CRACK CAN BE SEEN. and guess what? he said that the trunk hood was dented due to me. motherfucker. dun cin cai blame me la sohai. he wanted me to pay him 200 bucks for that idiot thing. mcb, i dunno how much it costs, but i have a memory that my mum once said that the whole saga back hood only costs around like 100++ max for a brand new one. brr. i gave him 150 in the end. actually i think he wanted more. i had around like 400 in my wallet at the time. darn. NEVER PUT LOTSA MONEY IN UR WALLET WHEN U ARE DRIVING. or not u will kena fuck by people. but luckily i had already took out 400 from my wallet a few days ago.. damn.. ornot that cb mayb wan me pay like 500 i think. he even used 激將法to try cheat more money out of me, and other things also. damn. fucked up now.

omg..

whats up with me? what is wrong with me? ever since i broke up with yan yan, i am unable to be loyal to a girl.. liking her for a long peroid of time. what is this? this is so not me!!! I. AM. NOT. GOING. ON. ANY. DATE. UNTIL. I. FOUND. MY. OLD. SELF. BACK. this is really terrible. i feel so bad. why must this happen to me? argh.. BE LOYAL MAN!!
yan.. whats up with u? if u so happen to read this.. i wan to tell u that hey.. i do still care about u u know..
JL.. nice to know that u do like me.. xD though u have a bf now.. yeah.. best friends till who knows when..
2008 relolutions..
1. change my way of speaking. ALWAYS ALLOW SPACE FOR PEOPLE TO ARGUE. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, TIME for them to argue..
2. be more loyal to the girl i like.. and regain the legandary patience i once had..
3. study hard for my a levels and beat edward in maths! xD edward
4. do let let go of those friends that i really value, even though there's not a special topic that we can share now.. but everything's a topic right? xD
5. be myself. be somebody, not a nobody. have a cool gang of friends of mixing everywhere like last time.

yea.. thats about it.. miss my f5 friends.. Thiam sang.. when i see maths i couldnt think of anyone else.. everyone in the class is doing math so slow.. imagine if u were with me.. GODLIKE OWNAGE xD. harry.. with ur factual backgroud.. god.. my chem teacher would love u. janz and aun.. argh.. friends forever..

somehow i miss my stories.. i guess i'll have inspiration soon.. xD another unfinished story coming up..

Boredom

NOthing interesting to write about lately.. since i basically am VERY BORED!!!! anyway, i want to say to 菁玲学妹that i'm sorry to hear that her grandma is sick. ONE minute silence please.. pray for her. !st week of college ended. there isnt really much of a big difference compared to school actually.. but much less morework xD. argh... i'm really bored to death currently. nothing much to do.
Isabell actually counted that or maths teacher gave us 90 questions to do in an hour.. lolz.. happy to say, i did 86 out of the 90 in that hour!! hahahahaha.. others basically did around like 30-40.. haha.. *proud*
nothing much to write about.. and no new inspiration.. so i'll keep u guys updated when there's something new. haha

Love Textbook Chapter 1

Today i have been giving this thing some thought, and i realised some keypoints. as in how to make a relationship succesful.



Key 1.

When you are in love, it's always easy to see what u have in common.

Have u ever realised that b4 a relationship starts,the 2 going-to-be couple always find that they both have alot in common? And, when it's coming to an end,one will always say that well, we faced alot of problems and we are so different in character. LOVE IS BLIND. Therefore, when u love someone, u can never see their mistakes at first. Besides that, getting along too fast also makes someone blind to another's cons. As a good girlfriend/boyfriend, both should always share their opinions and viewpoints of the other so that both can change, to make a better day for the other, to let their partner see a change in you so that they know that you are doing something for them. Keeping them all into yourself and always let the other be right is a TOTAL NO. This will cause the relationship to fall to the bad side. This is because when u cannot take in anymore rubbish given by your partner, you will eventually burst out and it'll frighten your partner. Besides, your partner will think that you are wrong cause you are never like this. a sudden change will lead to breakup. Best to do it slowly, so that the other can take in, bit by bit. Besides, if u suddenly burst out, it'll be you that is wrong coz now that u burst out, you are causing all the problems and the otther will think that you are acting weirdly.

Bottom line is, ALWAYS FIND WHAT YOU DONT HAVE IN COMMON before u start a relationship. Understand it, and be able to accept it. If not, dont start a relationship.

an exciting day

today was kinda great. well, first of all, yesterday night i sms'ed Lil Angel telling her that she have until today 10 o clock at night to reply my message ornot i'll be calling her. i sent this becoz she hadn't been replying me at all.. and even after all these stuff, i still do care about her.. somehow. well, today i woke up, took a dose of LACTOSE ( elken ). It functions as a good bacteria which will help you clear your stomach. well, after taking it, you have to shake shake ur tummy so that it goes down to the intestines asap so that your body temperature doesnt kill it. xD so i did some jumping around like a lil bunny. haha. next i went around cycling and saw neighbours starting on spring cleaning already. haha. after that, i went home. well, stomach ached and i wanted to.. hmm.. whats the correct word.. let go? argh. forgive my language, i wanted to shit. but my mum told me that it's better if i hold back a while so that it comes out all in one go. haha. funny eh? well, i took her advice but i still ended up going to the toilet four times. best shitting time ever. doesnt hurt at all coz all is watery but aint as smelly as when u have food poisoning xD. and the best part is u dont relaly have to wipe ur arse coz the most dirty it can get is just a few drops of poo. well, talking about save the trees haha. stomach finally cleared after weeks of unavailability to shit haha. anyway, after that i went to have some lum mee. 淋面 super nice with some hot chili. i went to the mall and got my parents their movie tickets for NATIONAL TREASURE : BOOK OF SECRETS for today and WARLORDS for tomorrow.

ok the best thing that happened started when my parents went to their movie. i was chatting with a xuemei, hui xin and after some time, i was playing warcraft at GG client. then my phone rang. Lil angel called me. what a surprise. we chatted for a little while, and i told her i am going to call her today night. ( sth i am looking forward to haha ). welll, that really sparked me. haha. the day seemed brighter, the sky seemed cloudless ( although it's raining at that time ) haha. enough of the imaginary things. well, then just about half an hour ago, i was treasure hunting for my timetable at HELP website, and trying to get it downloaded. and guess what, after weeks of trying, XY finally replied me. yeah, i was really on cloud nine. haha. i told XY about our trip going to visit MR wong, and she agreed to come. haha. anywayz, time for gaming now.. hahaz.

oh btw, yesterday night i also went to LP zone at leisure mall and found amazing discounts. i bought 2 pants and 1 pair of shoes for only RM140. imagine that haha. pants costs about 129 each for their original price. and shoes normally costs about 50++. HAHHA enjoyable shopping. plus it's the first time i bought clothes at leisure mall.

Dissapointed

Today i came over a certain lil angel's blog, and due to that, i certainly was dissapointed. in her blog, she described how and why she broke up with her ex, and how and why she went to her current. worst part is, i never even came into the picture. whether it's someone that she hates or someone she like's, no. i had become a background, a wallpaper that is being faded away, forgotten. does it mean that during that period of time, all those 'i love you' i'i miss you' messages are just to make me happy? who knows mayb. nevermind. if that is going to do her good, i wouldnt bother, but i'll really take some time before i really start to chill down from these 2 experiences i wrote about in the previous entry, and to start all over again. college started and i hope i'll be able to wash these painful experiences down the drain, not to keep them stashed at the back of my mind. cant believe that someone i loved turns out to be this way, and to know that once she told me that a certain guy liked her, and when he changed target, she thinked that the guy didn love her at all coz can change target so fast. and the guy took a few months. now? just look at herself. it took her only like 3 days i think. argh. doesnt matter. i'm healing now.

it's been quite some time since i last updated this. first of all, i was damn busy. thats why. xD excuses and excuses again. i am just not the blogging type xD. anyway, many things happened since i last updated this blog. the most important of all is that during pangkor trip, i finally broke up with xy. thinking back, it was quite a scene. i dont think it's hard to imagine a girl and a boy, walking on the beach, with sea breeze blowing and the girl's hair all over the place.. then both looked at each other lovingly, and the first kiss came.

now, try to imagine a couple, filled with sorrow and regretfulness, both trying to hurt the other so that the hurting would be less in future, each thinking whats best for each other and the best way to break up. that would be me, and her. it's tough, for me and her. i dont want to go into details and recall the painful memory which will cause the bleeding in my heart. anyway, during the few days of break-up'ing, there's another girl, nicked Lil Angel was with me, trying to get me through the difficult times. yes, she did help me alot. then, 2 night's after my breakup, she confided her feelings for me. well, it was a breakout for my sorrow the past few days. i threw all i had for XY for Lil Angel. well, the next day, Lil Angel asked me out. She gave me a wonderful feeling, one that Xy had never given to me, a girlfriend's feeling. well, i was over the sky. i almost kissed her too. but something felt not right at that moment, and i restrainted myself. looking backwards from now, i rejoice over my self control coz if i did kiss her, well, now i might be in tanjung rambutan xD

anywayz, events went on in a very quick manner. lingalong came to stay with me for a short while while jerome, kenneth and lucas, my australian cousins came by. we had some fun times. sadly, Lil Angel started to ignore my messages. something is wrong somewhere. one night, while eating roti canai, a message arrived. contents as followed.

Erm.. my mom don let mie tok phn...so...guess i tel u here...i think i fall in love wit another boy..i've made my decision to go after him...

well, i said,
If thats the case, good luck. CAll me when u need me, when u need help, i'll be there. And, dont avoid me pls?

she replied,
Thx.. the for treating mie so gud! of coz i wont avoid u.. anythin i will call u de :)

i said,
Well, i cant do anything right? Haha.. another sleepless night for me.. Hmm.. Wine might do me good.. Haha.. Thanks anyway, for some things..

Hey.. dont lik tat.. u noe 2day wat XYZ tell mie?fr his msg i can feel tat his feeling 2 mie is fr love chance to hatred..DAmn sad

I dunno and i dont want to know. Well, i wont hate u becoz of this, you told me before that you dunwan, it's my own problem.. Anyway, answer my question ( which was a message sent without reply. as follows, :Asleep again? can i know who the guy is? )

well, she did say that she dont want to be with me. but the reason she gave was that becoz i only had a final year and half left in malaysia.. she dont want later if love me too deep and i gotta go.. but yet, by just ignoring me a few days, there she goes, after another guy. leaving me behind, alone, looking at her shadow, walking slowly, slowly, into the distance..